Fiesta Night
by paige00123
Summary: cullens. fiesta. jane. special guest. fun fun fun. OOC PLEASE R&R!
1. A Fiesta?

Fiesta Night

"Ham tastes more like poison ivy when its hair has been dyed magenta and corn-rowed!" shrieked a little voice from downstairs. Eight people immediately appeared at the dining room table.

"Alice," Carlisle complained, "this is the fourth time this week you've used that random code-phrase to call a super-secret vampire emergency meeting. It better be something more important than 'Lady GaGa is going to perform on American Idol next Wednesday!'"

"Trust me," she assured everyone, "It is. You see, I've recently decided that being immortal is a little bit boring, so I think we should do more things in our family to have fun. I think the first Saturday night of every month should be a Cullen themed night party thing." Seven pairs of eyes looked at her in a disbelieving and slightly annoyed way, but Jasper decided to be loyal and play along.

"That would be this Saturday. Do you have any ideas on what our first theme should be?"

"I was thinking… FIESTA NIGHT!"

Edward groaned as he looked at himself in the mirror. He was dressed up like a member a mariachi band complete with a sequined sombrero with little fuzzy balls dangling off the edges. Alice had even talked him into drawing on a fake mustache with magic marker. _Evil little manipulative psychic_, he thought to himself, _If only she hadn't threatened to spray easy cheese up my nose and tell Aro I wanted to start a double-dutch team with him…_

Suddenly, a strange sound started coming from downstairs, one he did not recognize. Edward raced down to the kitchen where he found Jasper in a bullfighter outfit cooking some sort of food.

"Uhh… Jasper? What are you…?"

"Making tacos."

"Why?"

"Did anyone else in this house ever live in Mexico?"

"No…but…why are you making tacos?"

"For fiesta night, genius."

"I know, but why are you making tacos? We don't eat, remember?"

"Yeah, but we're going to have a taco eating contest to see who can force down the most tacos before they make themselves throw-up."

"Ha! That actually sounds kind of fun… or at least entertaining."

"Well, the party starts in an hour, so go do what ever you want until Alice calls everyone down." Edward wandered back up to his room where he decided to practice his new guitar. Alice had gotten it for him recently, and he had a bad feeling he was going to have to use it tonight.


	2. Jane

** A/N Disclaimer I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, i wish i did though**

"It's party time!" Alice called enthusiastically. She was completely overjoyed when she saw the grumpy mob of vampires in Mexican attire assemble in the living room. "Hola mi familia! Let's start this fiesta with a song from Eduardo and his mariach-"

"No!" He protested. "You said all I had to do was wear this stupid outfit and show up."

"I had a feeling you were going to be difficult… That's why I had backup plans!"

"_Eduardo_?" Emmett complained, "I want a special name!" This was followed by a chorus of 'yeah's and 'me too's.

"Fine. You can all have special fiesta names but only as long as you at least pretend you're having fun tonight. OK… so… you can be… Isabela, Rosalita, Carlos, Esmeralda, Emilio, Jose, and I'll be Alicia. And you're all probably wondering what I meant by back-up plans, right? ...(awkward silence)… OK, well I'll tell you anyway. I got-" Alice was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Oooo, he's here!" She ran to get the door.

Jane stood at the doorstep, holding a duffel bag that was making grunting noises. "Don't freak out Alice, he's in here. I kept my side of the deal." She pointed to the squirming duffel bag. Looking at all of the Cullens' confused faces, she added, "You're obviously so stupid you can't figure out why I'm here. You see, Aro started making me go to therapy for my anger management problems and how I like to see people in pain. Apparently that's not normal. And that idiot told me that I needed a better way to get out my emotions than torturing people. He wanted me to try and find a hobby, so I tried poker, whittling, and darts, but that didn't help much. He suggested I find something that normal little girls like to do. He made me watch Disney Channel, which I thought was going to be stupid, but I actually got kind of into it. That's why I'm not killing you all right now. My therapy must have worked. So anyway I saw that tasty-looking Jonas Brother with the fro, and decided that he was pretty shmexy. I went online and subscribed to Tiger Beat."

"What does your little tweenie celebrity-boy-crazy phase have anything to do with us?" Edward asked impatiently.

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Alice said if I brought you guys Enrique Iglesias, she'd tell me the winning answers to the "Test Your Jonas Brothers Knowledge And Win A Pint Of Nick's Blood" contest."

"Why is that even a contest?"

"IDK, my BFF Jill."

Alice decided that they shouldn't start the real action till nighttime, so everyone (plus Jane and a very frightened Enrique) squeezed onto the couch together to watch some Mexican soap opera re-runs. After about two hours, when Guillermo was about to propose to Maria, Edward broke the silence.

"_Jose?!?!?!"_ His voice was slightly disbelieving then turned into a small chuckle. "Did you just think to yourself 'Wow, Guillermo looks kinda shmexy in that all-white tennis outfit'?"

"What? No! I mean-I-Maybe. Sorta. But I'm not gay. The only person I ever loved was Alice. Okay, well, back when I was human. In the Civil War. But that doesn't count. I maybe sorta thought General Stonewall Jackson was… attractive. But, hey, who doesn't think lazy eyes are hot?"

After the worlds longest lasting awkward silence ever, Carlisle finally spoke up. "OK, well, we're all learning a lot about each other, but I think it's about time to start some activities. Alicia?"

"Umm… Sure. How about we get this party started with some music. Enrique?" He was still a bit freaked out and looked up at Alice wearily. "_Now_, Enrique." He pointed to his mouth. "Oh. Haha. You're right. It would be hard to sing with your mouth duct-taped up like that. Jane, please release the prisoner." Jane reluctantly freed him from all of his various chains and duct-tapes. He walked trembling to the temporary stage Alice had set up for the night.

**A/N OOOOHHHHHHHH Cliffy (ish) not really but still oh well!!!! Please R&R**


	3. Pienso en Ti

**A/N I don't own twilight**

"I've never done a concert for just nine people before. I've also never been held hostage by a tiny girl who can make you writhe on the floor in pain by smiling at you. But my motto is 'when in doubt, square dance.'"

"Square dance?"

"Er, I mean sing…

_Cuando siento que mi vida se desliza_

_y la soledad me come día a día,_

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Cuando el frío me llena el alma me congela_

_y la lluvia me persigue, no me deja_

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en ti... Ay como pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí porque es por tí_

_que sobrevivo y es por tí que vivo roto._

_Pienso en tí porque yo creo en el milagro_

_que me salve si te toco._

_Porque quiero estar contigo y no te tengo_

_y me muero poco a poco._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Cuando siento que el futuro ya ha pasado_

_y la noche se detiene a mi lado_

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_cuando el ruido del silencio me despierta_

_y me duele cada instante de tu ausencia_

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí porque es por tí_

_que sobrevivo y es por tí que vivo roto._

_Pienso en tí porque yo creo en el milagro_

_que me salve si te toco._

_Porque quiero estar contigo y no te tengo_

_y me muero poco a poco._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí porque es por tí_

_que sobrevivo y es por tí que vivo roto._

_Pienso en tí porque yo creo en el milagro_

_que me salve si te toco._

_Porque quiero estar contigo y no te tengo_

_y me muero poco a poco._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

_Pienso en tí... Pienso en tí..._

"Pienso en TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!" Emmett continued to sing along before he realized that the song was already over. Everyone just stared.

"Wooo-Hooooo! That was great, Enrique. I'm a huge fan," Alice encouraged, "How about the Ping Pong Song? And, this time, guys, I want to see some more enthusiasm. Everybody get up and dance." No one moved. "I think JANE also wants you to dance." They stood up immediately and walked to the center of the living room. Only Jane stayed seated.

"Your threat doesn't really apply to Jane, because Jane isn't scared of Jane," she said, confusingly talking about herself in third-person, probably trying use some sort of sarcastic "humor" she picked up from Disney Channel.

"OK, so, the Ping Pong Song. Everybody… SALSA!" Tired of resisting, they all paired up. [Do I need to say who paired up with who? If you don't know, then you haven't read the Twilight books, but you are still reading a Twilight FanFiction (?!?!). If you don't know and you have read them, I would recommend a special school with special doctors. Why am I even writing this? This isn't even funny and it doesn't go along with the story. Whatever.]

"_Do you know? Do you know…"_ Four pairs of salsa dancers spun around perfectly in circles across the living room. Although three out of the four were only faking enthusiasm, everything was going pretty well until about halfway into the song. Abruptly, the music stopped. There was complete silence, and Enrique Iglesias was nowhere to be found. The mic stand swayed a bit then balanced itself and stood still. Jane was sitting in the same place on the couch with her legs crossed, rubbing her belly contently.

"What?" she asked once she noticed the pairs of eyes staring at her. "I got hungry." She shrugged casually.

"Why _are_ you even still here?" Jasper questioned. "Get out of our house!" Jane pouted for half a second, shrugged again, and walked out the door.

"Speaking of hungry… Guess what I got for dinner to go along with our theme: CHIHUAHUAS! Just kidding. But Chihuahua Blood is actually a nail polish color. I got some moose. And some corn for Eduardo."

A/N Chihuahua Blood is a real nail polish color!!!!!


	4. Gay?

A/N i STILL don't own twilight

One day Carlisle had been doing some research, and found that sometimes certain human foods could appeal to vampires. Most vampires never found a human food they liked because they would never even consider trying it after they had been changed. They assumed that it would taste repulsive compared to blood. But, apparently, every vampire has one certain food that they can eat, if they find it. They can't sniff out what would taste good, because it would smell gross and seem gross to them until they took their first bite. Once they did, gravity shifted, and that food became the center of their universe, even more appealing than blood. It's like imprinting. But instead of love at first sight, it's like love at first taste. Edward imprinted on corn. Bella didn't mind.

The vampires sat around the dining room table and drank their moose blood out of cups with bendy straws. Because of Alice, they were forced to keep up conversations related to the theme. Alice had a buzzer that she obnoxiously buzzed in anyone's face who was about to say anything unrelated to Fiesta Night.

"How can you even say that, Emilio? Beverly Hills Chihuahua sucked. Cheetah Girls 2 was waayyy better," Jasper argued.

"Jose, bro, are you _sure_ you're not gay?"

"You're saying you would rather watch a bunch of talking Chihuahuas than a bunch of hot girls singing and dancing?"

_Beeeeeeeeeeeep!_

"What?" Jasper asked innocently. Alice glared at him.

"Oh… Uh… I mean… It's hot in Barcelona… Spain… Where the movie is set… The movie with the ugly girls…" Jasper stuttered.

Meanwhile, Edward gnawed on his cob of corn while staring at it longingly. He was in the middle of a deep conversation with Carlisle and Esme. "But Shakira's hips don't li-"

"Uh, Jane, I thought you left," accused Carlisle. She was standing awkwardly in the doorway of the dining room.

"I did, but I just remembered Alice never gave me the answers."

"Oh, right. Uhh… July 29, 1996; whenever they sneeze; Kettle Corn, Nebraska-"

"CORN!"

"Shut up, Eduardo. Uhh… 347; granite; and their grandmother's dog, Sparky"

"Ok, bye."

"Bye," everyone hollered in unison.

"And now, _mis amigas_, it is time for desert… in a piñata!"


	5. Peace

A/N Still don't own Twilight

"Great," murmured Edward sarcastically.

"Would you guys be more enthusiastic if I told you the piñata was shaped like Eduardo's head?"

"Uh, YEAH!" Jasper laughed.

"Why is it shaped like my head?"

"Well, there's a popular book series about a girl named Bella and her hot vampire boyfriend that happens to be named Edward Cullen. And so they made a piñata out of him. It was either this or Hannah Montana, and since only Emmett likes her, and I thought you guys would get a kick out of beating Eduardo with a stick (omgizzle that rhymes…), I went with this one." Alice pointed to a 5-foot-long colorful blob of papier-mâché that hung from the center of the ceiling. Carlisle burst out laughing.

"Well, son, you sure have a big head." Everyone was laughing now.

_When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies…_

"God, Emmett, is that _still_ your ringtone?" Rosalie complained.

Emmett shushed her and took his phone out of his pocket. "Hey hot stuff, how's it going?" Rosalie slapped him in the face. "What? Ohh…. Ewwww! Jacob, I didn't know it was you, sorry… Yes, I do answer all my calls like that… DON'T JUDGE ME... Oh… Ok… I'll tell them… See ya, Wolfy" Emmett put his phone back in his pocket. Jacob and Nessie had been cast in a movie called "Do Not _Shit_ On Your Tests: A Story Of A Spanish Teacher With Long Blonde Hair And One Eye." It was a pretty low-budged movie. But, since Nessie was going through her acting phase right now, they both were in Puerto Rico the next six months to film it.

"What are you supposed to tell us, Emilio?' Bella asked curiously.

"Oh he just wanted me to pass some news along to y'all. Apparently, an angel came to Leah in the middle of the night and told her that she would bear the lord's son."

"Uh… weird." Carlisle couldn't think of a more polite word.

"Totally. So now do I get to hit Eddie with a stick?"

"Sure." Alice said without thinking. Emmett picked up a stick and started walking in Edward's direction. "NO! I meant you could hit the piñata that looks like Eddie's head with a stick." Then the doorbell rang. Carlisle sighed and went to go get it. He led the guest back into the living room.

"What the crap?" Esme let out in a bored and slightly annoyed voice. "Jane, what possible reason could you have for coming back here again?"

"I just remembered," she stuttered. "Alice said she'd buy me a Team Jane T-shirt."

"No one's Team Jane," Emmett chuckled. Her glare silenced him. Alice ran to her room and came back in half a second with some fabric wadded up in her hands. She threw it in Jane's direction. Jane shook it out straight to get a better look and frowned.

"Hey, don't blame me. I didn't even make that. They actually sell those online." Jane's face suddenly lit up with realization.

"Hey, Alice, how did you know my favorite colors are black and red?"

"I didn't. But your whole aura just reads 'blood and death.' Now if you'll please leave for good, we're a little busy."

"Doing what? Playing with a piñata? Who is that anyway? Drew Barrymore? The purple Wiggles guy? Oh I got it! Robert Pattinson!" Edward let out a little growl.

"Just go!" As soon as she left, Emmett picked up the stick again and approached the piñata. The stick was just inches away from the head, when he was interrupted by another doorbell.

"GOD! WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS WHERE A COVEN OF VAMPIRES CAN'T HAVE A FIESTA IN PEACE?!?!"

A/N Team Jane Sweat Shirt!!!!! .com/item/hooded-sweatshirt/295734300


	6. Crazy?

**A/N STILL don't own Twilight.**

Finally, it was time for the taco-eating contest. Jasper had managed to cook up 8,000 of them and stored them all in the closet by the stairs. When Alice announced that this would be the next activity, many faces grimaced in disgust.

"Really? Alicia, please no," Carlisle complained. "Are you really going to make your family eat human food?"

"Yeah," Edward agreed, "I may have fallen in love with the magnificent corn, but every other food is disgusting to me and everyone else."

"Come on you guys, it'll be fun. A challenge. A competition. We all know how you all love competition."

"I'm up for it," Emmett offered. "I'm no wimp." The rest of the family sighed and gave in. This wasn't the worse thing they've had to do. Rosalie stood up and opened the door to the taco closet. Just like a cartoon, more of them than it seemed possible to fit in there spilled out like an avalanche. Before anyone else realized what had happened, she was completely covered in a pile of crunchy beef tacos. She let out a high shriek. Rosalie quickly dug herself out and pouted off to her room.

Jasper divided up the tacos, giving everyone a pile of 1000. He put Rose's pile back in the closet because she was long gone by now. Alice had hired Mike Newton to come and be the race judge. He was dressed up in a princess outfit (his choice actually) and he wore a long wig made of cold cuts (Alice had to pay him for that on). He stood on the stage where Enrique Iglesias had stood the last five minutes of his life holding a flag. "On your marks… Get set… Eat them tacos!" Mike waved his flag in a very dramatic swooping motion.

Emmett opened his mouth so big he could fit a basketball in it and mechanically starting shoveling huge handfuls of what could be dirt for all he cared in. Jasper was not too far behind him. Esme and Carlisle were making decent efforts, giggling to each other the whole time. Alice was probably trying the hardest, but her tiny mouth limited her to just bites at a time. Bella gave it a good try for about 30 seconds but then got bored, regurgitated the gooey mess back up, and sat back and watched. Edward was the only one who never picked up a single taco. He felt that it would be like cheating on his corny little beauties (?!?!?!?!?!).

Emmett was the next to give up. When a stray deer sprinted through the backyard, he was quickly reminded of how awful human food was and ran after it, most likely getting those tacos out of his body along the way. Carlisle and Esme were about at their limit, and gave in soon after. Although she was freakishly strong-willed, Alice's little body just wasn't made to hold more than its weight in Mexican food.

"OK," Carlisle began to announce (Mike had taken off around taco #389 for Alice), "Looks like Jose is… Okay does anyone else hear that? Or am I crazy?" Everyone's attention was directed to some muffled sound coming from the closet. Carlisle opened the door.

"Rosalie?" Emmett screeched, "What are you doing to that taco?"

Rosalie looked up, sobbing. "I _looooooooooove_ tacos."

_Gasp!_

"And you all though I was crazy…" Edward was silenced by seven glares.

**A/N PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


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